Ah, good old Al Parker. They don't make 'em like that any more. This is one of his later movies from the early 1980s. Some of the Al Parker-produced features were pretty uneven, but this one has the added bonus of "special guest director" Steve Scott, one of the all-time greats, so it's more coherent. And how's this for a bit of porn trivia: we think this takes place in the same home as the classic "One in a Billion," another Parker-produced flick starring Dave Connors. Maybe it's Al's house -- what better way to save budget on sets?
In a bit of cinéma verité, we start with Al coming home from the office to an empty house. An answering machine message informs him that his honey has stood him up for the evening. So Al curls up on the bed with his faithful pooch to watch TV. Boy, this IS real! Who knew Al Parker ever found himself alone and horny?
Channel-surfing leads him to some old western, and out pops the famous Parker meat. Cattle and cowboys have never had that effect on us, but we suppose if you're into it ... Evidently inspired by his TV viewing, Al fantasizes about being in an old barn having sex with shaggy-haired, mustached Daniel Holt. Dodging the occasional stray piece of hay, there's a lot of oral, including smooching, tit-sucking, and 69 before Al sticks his purple wonder up Daniel's white ass. There's some funny dubbed sex-talk, and then Al shoots an impressive load, followed by Daniel shooting into Al's mouth. Al eats the cum and licks it off Daniel's hand before they blow out the lantern and settle down on an old mattress on top of the hay for the night (remember -- this is an Old West fantasy).
Meanwhile, back home the dog has grown bored of Al's masochistic masturbation and fallen asleep. We say masochistic because Al is doing his patented cock-contortion routine, twisting and bending his cock and balls like a pretzel. Yikes! Continuing his channel-surfing he happens upon a bunch of synchronized lumberjacks. We don't know how else to describe it. We have no idea -- it looks like a scene from a musical like "Li'l Abner."
Naturally, Al then imagines himself in the woods with grizzled lumberjacks J.D. Slater and Zeke James. J.D. seems very young here -- if you're used to him from some of his later appearances, you might not recognize him, particularly with his full head of hair. Raw-boned, bearded Zeke shows Al what to do with a really big rubber band (like Al didn't know that already). The three have sex by a large boulder, trading eager blowjobs. Al shows everybody how he uses a leather shoelace instead of a rubber band as a cockring. Dark, swarthy J.D. has no trouble getting Al's fat meat past his big, bushy mustache, and Al returns the favor. Did we mention the other two lumberjacks also have sizeable ax-handles of their own? We have to say that Al is one of porn's happiest cocksuckers. Somehow we get the feeling he'd prefer playing bottom roles instead of always having to be a macho top. But that's typecasting for you! After some rimming, our woodsmen move on to a circle-jerk. Al then ties his shoelaces around his cock and balls in what looks to be an excruciating position, tying the cockhead to his balls, forming a circle so that J.D. can stick his cock through and fuck in between Al's cock and balls. "Treat my dick like a wet and juicy pussy," Al says. Pretty freaky, but it does the trick and J.D. shoots his load that way, followed by another generous load from Al.
Back in the real world again, Al's extended jack-off continues as he sticks a big dildo up his ass and watches a Mr. Universe contest. (We TOLD you he wanted to be a bottom.) I think many of our subjects can relate to masturbating over the bodybuilding contests; yes, it really takes us back -- why, when we were just a porn princeling ... But this is supposed to be Al's fantasy.
Surprisingly, the fantasy is not about bodybuilders, but about the cock-worship Al likes so much, and he lovingly sucks a series of cocks, large and small, black and white, cut and uncut. Each blowjob is punctuated by some blurry, colorful disco lights. Al just loves playing with foreskin, too. We've certainly seen him play with his own often enough. He also loves getting to eat all the cum he can take.
As this fantasy concludes, Al removes the dildo from his ass and proceeds to the next fantasy, a group scene involving penis pumps. Short, dark Juan Perriz is there (what's with that name, Perriz? Sounds like a carbonated beverage), along with Al, who sports a particularly cute short haircut in this scene. Joining them are smooth, muscular Justin Cade, a big name from the era. Juan and Justin both have gigantic, uncut cocks that actually rival Al's, if you can believe that. There's also a fourth man with gray hair and a mustache whose cock is even bigger, but we don't see much of him. He's not credited and we only see his face once, so maybe he's just somebody who popped in off the street. Juan and Al do most of the sucking, and they're quite enthusiastic. There's also intermittent penis-pumping -- judging from the large, fleshy, penises, it's not the first time these guys have played this game. The whole scene is fairly disjointed, especially as it periodically returns to the fantasizing Al back in his bedroom, who is now performing his patented self-fuck, first with his cock, then with his balls. If you've never seen it before, it's quite a sight (although seeing his balls squashed like that may make you flinch). After Al's climax, he has a good laugh with his dog. And that's how it ends.
So it turns out that a night alone with Al Parker is pretty much like a night that he's NOT alone -- it's just sex, sex, sex. Actually, he's always been a very relaxed, natural performer, and his talents show through well here. It seems likely the first couple of scenes were directed by Steve Scott -- they have his characteristically professional editing and photography. We love vintage porn, and all the naturally hairy men and cum-eating really took us back. It's good that this stuff is being memorialized on DVD -- we wouldn't want it to deteriorate and disappear. This one doesn't come with many extras -- just some previews of other Al Parker DVDs. We do offer one caveat -- we've reviewed this video as we saw it. However, the DVD menu shows that the first chapter is a scene with a long-haired Al and Justin Cade. But when you click on it, you get the opening credits, then on to Al alone in his house. So we don't know if the scene is missing, or if the menu mis-identifies the first chapter. The movie holds together just fine as it is, so if you find yourself in Al's position, you won't have to channel-surf -- you can have a date with Al.
DVD features: Chapter selections and no regional coding (playable worldwide).
A DVD Review by The Porn Emperor