"When Bears Attack" may sound like an educational nature show. I assure you there is nothing to be learned here, unless you want to see how the hairiest hunkiest of men go about having sex. Chi Chi LaRue has pulled out an outrageously zealous cast of the gruffest toughest guys around to play in this furry saga. The only guy without so much as a stray hair on his chest is Johnny Hazzard, but he learns the impressiveness of bearish men very quickly. Nature here is brute sexual instinct, and there isn't a guy here who doesn't have that in cum-dripping spades.
All seems idyllic when Johnny Hazzard goes to a quiet rustic cabin, breathing in the fresh air and letting the stress melt from his body. Hell, the nature is so infectious that Johnny doesn't even bother going inside. He just sits on his truck and begins to play with himself, slowly revealing his tight tattooed body. Ever ageless, he looks particularly divine here. He's turned on by all of his body's various odors, from his crotch to his pits. Even with a raging hardon, he's still able to pee a giant stream off the side of his truck. With that taken care of, he then jacks his hardness in a relaxing bit of solo action. LaRue knows just how to shoot Johnny, coming from among the trees, from above, from the side, basically anywhere as Johnny blithely stares ahead and pumps himself. The cinematography here is so good it threatens to overwhelm Johnny, but he's too talented a performer to have focus stolen from him. There is a lot of time spent with Johnny showing off his clipped hairy butt, though the end result is a wowing cum-shot all over his body.
Silently, three towering hairy men emerge from the woods. The biggest of all is Arpad Miklos, who smells sex in the air and follows it. Bearded Cole Ryder is right behind him and the very handsome Steve Cruz brings up the rear. Sex beasts that they are, they slink over to Johnny's truck, where vestiges of cum are still to be found. Muted, Arpad takes off his shirt and the other two begin feeling around his gigantic fuzzy pecs. The three-way touching and sniffing here is scorching. Cole starts the sucking, working on Steve first. Arpad throws this most petite member of the trio over his shoulder and they continue on the truck, where Arpad delivers a gaping blowjob on gorgeous Steve. Now the roaring starts as Cole and Arpad fight for Steve's cock. Arpad is transfixing with his oral skill here, something he doesn't usually indulge in, and Cole has to work hard to keep up with him. Of course, luckiest of all is Steve, who is mauled by the bigger guys and pleasured beautifully. Cole goes for Steve's ass with a hardworking tongue, his facial hair meeting Steve's ass fuzz in a messy wet juncture. Steve picks up Johnny's cum-stained clothing and dances with it, hypnotically gyrating for the benefit of the other two. He then thanks them for their work by blowing them. First up is Arpad's legendary cock, which Steve drizzles with spit before dive bombing a deep-throat. Cole's big piece fits inside Steve's possessed mouth as well, with Steve stealing away the scene completely. He's a total maniac of sexual excitement going back and forth on these giants. Reveling in their hairy bodies, he soon makes a trip lower on Arpad, eating his ass while Cole takes over Arpad's cock. Steve is a delicious bottom for mammoth Arpad, who fucks him on the front seat of the car. If Steve had won the oral battles, he's also an anal superstar, because he can take every inch of Arpad, who slams it to Steve with furious intensity and plunging depth. When Arpad thrusts, it's no ordinary thrust, but rather a blast. He has phenomenal power, but Steve as a bottom is ready for all of it, cradled in Cole's arms as he receives this grand fuck. Steve flips over to suck Arpad so Cole can fuck him. Now he's crammed with two big cocks, and still handling them with rugged glory. Cole is a loud punishing top himself, but Steve takes it all, maintaining his own hardon while keeping Arpad's there too. Arpad shoots on Steve's face, then Steve finishes and Cole is last. This astounding scene not only keeps in mind the movie's theme of hirsute men getting in on at their snorting best, but is also an epic three-way. If Steve Cruz is allowed to steal it from his impressive co-stars, it's only because he works so amazingly hard. It's going to be a challenge to top this scene, but more surprises await.
Johnny is relaxing. He's even reading (when was the last time you saw a porn star with a hardcover book?). But, flannel and denim seem to be nearing Johnny's cabin. Johnny hears the sounds of claws on stone, bark and flesh, but goes back to his reading. Unable to stand it anymore, Johnny opens the door and is confronted with a patrol of massive hairy men. King of the beasts Arpad is back, joined by goateed intense Blake Nolan and immense bearded Nick Marino, the personification of tall dark and handsome.
They pull Johnny inside and he wisely gives himself over to their power. He's rather helpless against these three raging animals. That said, they aren't mean to him. In fact, they treat him well. Nick pops out his cock for Johnny to suck and Johnny takes to it immediately, gulping all the way down on his own accord. Blake is turned on by it, so he sucks Nick as well until Johnny wants the cock back. They ultimately share it, working eagerly together. After Nick has had Johnny's good attentions, Johnny moves to blowing Blake's veined long cock. Blake stares down at his sucker from big furry pecs and thrusts into Johnny's waiting mouth. Johnny even enjoys those awesome pecs by nuzzling them when he's not kissing or blowing Blake. If we're calling these guys bears, their entire hairy bodes should be adored. Nick and Arpad come to join Johnny, jockeying for position on Blake's dick, the three pushing each other out of the way for sucking time. This crackles with heat.
It's at this moment that three more members of the he-man tribe enter. There is dashing bearded Mick Powers, bald daddy Damien and tattooed Latino Manuel Torres. They can't resist the wowing three-man suck-a-thon taking place on Blake's cock. Mick takes the lead with his trio, hitting the floor and blowing Damien's fat pink dick and Manuel's large uncut one, paying particular attention to the foreskin. Damien is verbal in his delight at Mick's magnificent sucking, but Manuel stares at everyone else in the room, the only person here seemingly not having a blast. Mick gets a lot of time to dote on their dicks, ending only when Manuel takes over, sucking Damien and Mick. By this point, Nick and Blake have paired off to do some heated rimming on each other's hairy butts. Nick not only eats Blake silly, but devours his cock as well. Interestingly, the grunting behavior is quiet for Johnny and Arpad. After lots of sloppy kissing, Johnny begins to suck Arpad, the blowjob I had been hoping for since I saw the cast list! Johnny doesn't disappoint. Summoning up all of his considerable skills, he manages to take Arpad all the way to the base. It's not an easy suck for Johnny, but he ends up acing it! He has competition from Nick, doing bang-up work at Blake's quivering hole a few feet away. Manuel gets behind Nick and takes over wetting his ass, now starting to come alive. His tongue-fuck has Nick absolutely transfixed. Having reduced Nick to jelly, Manuel moves to Johnny, to take advantage of his wide open mouth. Manuel is easy for him after Arpad, whose dick he's also still enjoying. Arpad keeps Johnny on his dick, but now Mick joins them, to eat Johnny's ass. He has a blast in there. The littlest ass in the room (but by no means the least), becomes catnip to the gang, as Manuel displaces Mick to munch it, sending Mick back to sucking his cock. Blake gets to work his tongue up Johnny's hole next, and Johnny hasn't taken his mouth off Arpad's cock the whole time. Damien and then Nick get alone time with Johnny's beaut of a bum in turn.
Now that most of the guys have sampled Johnny orally, what do you think they want next? To get fully inside. Mick gets the first opportunity, thrusting hard at Johnny to get things rolling, Johnny closing his eyes in delight as his first bear ravages him (though sweetly jacks his bottom as he fucks). Tanned Nick follows, doing a very sexy grind at Johnny, his own bulbous ass providing the momentum for his strong work. Feel free to argue, but I think Nick ends up the best of Johnny's tops here. However, let's continue with the parade. Johnny bends over the couch so Blake can do him, Blake looking serious as he slaps Johnny's ass and trusts all the way inside, with the encouragement of his fellow gangbangers. Blake has ferocious speed, Johnny's ass now opened wide enough to be velvety and welcoming. Blake gets a long time with Johnny, but who would want to stop? Manuel is Johnny's fourth top, fucking him easily as Blake gives Johnny his dick to suck. Might as well take advantage of Johnny to the fullest! Though technically just fine, Manuel seems still distant from the whole scene, where everyone else is entranced by Johnny (and each other). Naturally Arpad has to fuck Johnny! When he does, it's exquisite. Arpad has such style when he tops. Few look as confident and commanding as Arpad. He slams at Johnny hard, harder than he did in the previous scene with the much beefier Steve Cruz. His giant thighs give him heft, and he slams at Johnny with the full length of his considerable cock on every hard thrust. All that's left is the end result of all this fireside fun. Johnny is on the floor, nuzzling Nick's balls to get his first cum coating. Then Blake pops on Johnny, followed quickly by Manuel. Drenched in cum, Arpad adds to Johnny's goo-fest with a big spurter. Mick has a small load and then Johnny delivers with a big splatter. The guys all reach down and caress their toy, a bunch of meaty paws completely satisfied.
Moral of this story is that when a bear approaches you in the woods, invite him in! Invite them all in! On the box cover for this movie, it's noted that this is Johnny Hazzard's first gangbang. He handles is amazingly well. These roaring men give him a tough workout, but he's the star and he remains triumphant at the end. And probably quite tired too.
DVD features: Chapters; cum-shots chapter; photoshoot footage (most fun of all is a photo session that finds Johnny grooving and dancing while the cameras click); behind-the-scenes footage; public service announcement (safer sex); trailers ("In His Dreams" and "Wrong Side of the Tracks"); no regional coding (playable worldwide).
A DVD Review by Brent Blue