So just how straight is almost-straight? Professor Alfred Kinsey would have a field day trying to figure out where the lads in "There He Blows!" fall on the sexuality spectrum. But leave science aside and take this flick for what it is -- an interesting collection of interviews and stroke sessions filmed without all the fussy porn trappings. The men couldn't be more diverse. Take Christopher, for example: he's so nervous, he's tripping all over himself mere moments after the camera starts rolling. Pale and reed-thin, Chris' best asset may just be his genuineness. Cypher is more my type. And if body language is any indication, he's pretty much fearless. Stripping out of a T-shirt with the words "Rock N' Roll" splashed across the front, he only stops gushing about women just long enough to get his prick out and get it hard. He seems to know exactly what the viewers want to see, facing away from the cameras and spreading the furry cheeks of his ass and showing hole. He's even so bold as to let the interviewer's assistant give him head, even though his eyes cling to the hetero porn rolling in the background, needing a bit of a security blanket while a strange guy bobs between his legs. When asked why the adult industry interests Shorty, it's not money or girls that fan the flames. This skater punk just wants to be watched. Unlike the other guys who are quick to point out that they're straight, he's bisexual and seems open to some experimentation. Too bad the guys making "There He Blows!" didn't have the good sense to pair Shorty up with Mr. E, a self-described gay-for-pay model. Mr. E bears a strong resemblance to your everyday shop teacher -- rough around the edges, a little sneaky, and always absentmindedly fondling the front of his pants. Something about his more mature look makes him stick out from the other guys, a fact that's not lost on the director when he makes a play, offering to give Mr. E a hand. After a forgettable session with James Shanky, the film's first redhead makes his debut, Remy. He unwittingly creates a feeling of anticipation when he gives the interviewer his stats. My ears perked up considerably when I heard Remy say, "I'm about nine inches." When he finally does drop his drawers, he masturbates so furiously and cums so quickly that even a cock connoisseur like myself couldn't confirm his nine-incher. Smokey shows up in the audition chair 20 minutes or so after Shorty finished his session -- could Sneezy be far behind? Somewhat distracted, Smokey really can't manage wood until an assistant steps in frame and fluffs him. Immediately stiff as steel from the impromptu blowjob, this blond and thin street type gets off quick as a flash. He's followed by Sebastian, the cutest kid in this film, bar none. He's infinitely adorable, slyly winking the camera. But like Smokey, getting hard is a problem. Sensing Sebastian's unease, the bearded director steps in and handles the dirty work, almost comically stepping in to fluff before his assistant does. Sebastian's also got amazing control, giving no sign that he's ready to cum, but shooting two seconds after the director prompts him. The final pup to strip down and jerk it is Zach, a slight, dark-skinned Latin who lets the director suck his cock even though, "It's weird, man." Everything about "There He Blows!" is bare bones, and the entire operation could benefit tremendously from some better lighting. Also, the off-camera interviewer often sounds like he's been stuck with the unfortunate chore of hiring this year's crop of department store Santas; his questions are anything but creative and his dry delivery turns a few of the interviews into snooze fests. These minor gripes aside, it's fun to watch these young gentlemen take their baby steps in front of the camera. DVD features: Chapters; trailers ("Jackin' It," "Straight Strokers: Black and Tan" and "Nine Straight Loads ... One Hungry Mouth"); and no regional coding (playable worldwide).
A DVD Review by Rick Forrent