WARNING!
Steve Rambo
Erik Michaels
Caesar, Joe Kennedy, Jake Summers, Michael Brandon go at it in the mechanics section of the airport....some big ass cocks get serviced. Meanwhile, Security Officer, Mark Bruno, spots the group on his hidden camera. Mark pulls his giant cock out and beats off while watching the group.
Sam Crockett and Erik Michaels are loading the luggage into the cargo area of the plane. A bag spills open and sex toys galore cover the floor. The two decide to thy them out on each other. Some hot Fuck and Suck action in the bowels of the plane.
Paul Dawson's cock ring has caused the metal detector to go off. So Security officer Tony Acosta is forced to take him to the back room to get himself off. Hot flip flop suck and fuck action.
Ahh the friendly skies... Once the plane is airborne, the passengers get hungry for some action. Pilot Steve Rambo gets first officer Radcliffe to abandon the cockpit so he can go at it with 1st class flight attendant Sam Burton. Mutual oral service is provided.
Alex Manning and Graham decide to join the mile high club by hi-tailing it to the bathroom for some sucking action.
Tuck Johnson leaves his sleeping lover in his seat while he ventures back to the tail end of the plane for some group action with Jay Paxton, and Julian Housten. Eventually Graham and Alex Manning exit the bathroom and join in the fun. Hot oral.
Co-Pilot Mike Radcliffe gets his turn in the cockpit with passenger Eduardo. Mutual oral servicing.
Pilot Steve Rambo gets the charter agent in the rear of the plane and gets some hard ass pounding in his rear. Incredible insertion and penetration shots... ...make for a very bumpy flight.
With "Cockpit: Everybody's Going Down!," Catalina has hit the motherload of porn spoofery. Throwing in some of the giddiness of the two "Airplane!" movies, it really has a grander time with the four original "Airport" disaster movies, heaping on the viewer a script so hysterically daffy it could only have come from Catalina. However, what works best here is that the folks behind this, writers and directors alike (not to mention a wonderful set designer), know that this exists more as a big-budget laugh-a-thon rather than simply as a supreme sexual cinematic achievement, so the sexual style here, kept to a frenetic minimum, works fantastically in context.
The story starts with pilot Steve Rambo (as wooden as "Airport '77's" Jack Lemmon and as libidinous as "Airport 75's" Erik Estrada) checking on the fixing of the cockpit door of his next flight. It's a "gay charter" he tells clueless Caesar and "one never knows when one might get a hot piece in the cockpit." Pretty Caesar doesn't know what to do, but his fellow mechanics Joe Kennedy and Jake Summers arrive in time to explain and offer help. "We're mechanics," Jake says deadpan, "so when something needs servicing, we're the best guys for the job." Steve can't stay, but Michael Brandon can join, so the four of them go at it, hairy bearish Jake taking on Michael's magnificence and Caesar getting to suck on the long smooth one older beefy Joe has to offer. Michael is the ace of this pairing, forcing Jake to take more than he might voluntarily, but Caesar's mouth is tireless and Joe needs to offer no prodding to help him along.
Meanwhile, Erik Michaels is a baggage handler who sashays around in a pair of kneepads (the closest thing to him is Charo from "Airport '79"). He accidentally opens one of the bags and out falls a jackpot of dildos and magazines and such. His co-worker, devilishly handsome Sam Crockett incredulously rattles off the flick's funniest line, saying, "These are all gay-sex toys, man!" à la drugged-up Jimmy Walker from "Airport '79." They try to figure out one of the toys, but it needs a hard dick, which wide-eyed big-eared Erik offers to help Sam achieve.
Before that can happen, blue-jean-clad security officer Mark Bruno (acting more in five minutes than George Kennedy did in all four of the original disaster flicks in a similar role) spies the mechanic quartet on his monitor and pulls out his gigantic dick to enjoy himself, calling the action "a private show, just for me."
Sam figures out that the toy they wanted before is a mock ass, so he slides it on his dick as Erik blows the plastic hole's shaft. Sam comes completely alive as he fucks, once removed, Erik's mouth. The creativity of the scene is wonderful and actually Erik, who does get to blow Sam sans sex toy as well, is on fire orally, providing a grand deep-throat. Sam fucks Erik, still in the kneepads, and they make a great pair. Sam's awesome dick fits perfectly in Erik's tight ass. As a top, Sam is as smooth as cotton candy, but as nasty as the stomachache afterwards. Erik then sits on Sam's dick to ride off and he takes over the action, his hard cock swinging around happily. He cums with Sam still inside him and then Sam literally pushes him off to pop excellently onto Erik's face.
Spliced in with the above exciting action is muscular Mark watching the foursome. Jake spews a sudden load, which causes Michael to reel off a truly giant one. Caesar follows, his boyish face twisted in efficient intensity, and then Mark cums right onto the video screen, licking up his load.
Now, the airline in this flick has the following motto: "Arrow Air: More Meat per Seat." As a series of porn types run their cameo spots through a metal detector, Tony Acosta is quick to make sure big beefy big-lipped Paul Dawson doesn't get through when he sets off the alarm (as sinister as that lady who tries to hide the diamonds in her dog's collar in the first "Airport"). In the film's funniest twist, it's Paul's cockring that excited the bells. Tony doesn't understand the concept of a cockring (he's as naïve as "Airport '75's" singing nun Helen Reddy without the guitar, but as security-minded as Jean Seberg in "Airport"), so he makes Paul strip and show it to him. Paul is stunningly hung. The big dick is no match for Tony, an experienced blowjobber, a man with a backless throat and a desire larger than the last ten men on which he practiced. This is the first scene allowed to build at normal speed, so by the time Paul shoves his huge face into Tony's incredibly tight ass, the viewer is fully alert, especially when Tony brays, "It's yours, man, do whatever you want with it!" Paul then blows Tony, using the metal detector to prepare Tony's ass, but it's Tony who fucks first. The only problem with the positioning is seeing huge Paul sitting and riding on small Tony. But, Tony bends him over for more fucking and things improve steadily before Paul's monster dick fucks Tony, whose ass is as limitless as his mouth. All of Tony's jewelry ends up awash in cum as both guys unload buckets on Tony's body.
On the plane, where the merriment really starts, flight attendant Sam Burton (chewing the scenery more than Karen Black's final microphone monologue in "Airport '75") rattles off the instructions as we meet the passengers in cute vignettes. There is a drunk and the man he annoys (Sid Caesar and Myrna Loy from the above), a cute couple on their way to honeymoon (that ain't no one from the originals), and others, not to mention pilot Steve Rambo and the ever-hysterical Mike Radcliffe as his second-in-command (doing a fine impression of Kareem-Abdul Jabar's awful performance in "Airplane!"). There's another steward with a bitchy attitude worthy of Jacqueline Bisset in "Airport" who couldn't care less for the discomfort of his passengers. There are two guys who meet on the plane, baby-fatted blondish Graham and his seat partner, dark thin Alex Manning. Alex tells Graham of the mile-high club, so they retire to the bathroom to test this infamous set of stories. Alex sucks Graham's beautiful dick with lots of tongue, and lots of spit, as Tuck's honeymooning boyfriend waits to pee outside the door (Martha Ray in "Airport '79" anyone?). Graham eventually shoots off a nice cum-blast, right past Alex's face.
Pilot Steve wants a blowjob (I guess THAT'S what happens inside a Turkish Prison, just in case Peter Graves in "Airplane!" got you wondering), so he dismisses Mike and invites steward Sam to come in and blow him as their model airplane zooms through the air with special effects worthy only of an Ed Wood film. There is no explanation of who is flying the plane as hairy-faced handsome Sam and Steve make out. Sam has an amazing chest with really big pecs, and Steve blows his thick dick with his customary energy. He mashes his head deep into the pubes to make sure it all gets wet. Sam cums right on Steve's face and veiny neck, just where Steve always loves it.
Tuck's husband has returned from his wait for the powder room and when he falls asleep, Tuck saunters over to the trip's organizer, red-faced goateed Jay Paxton, sitting alone and jacking off. Tuck sucks him. But, just as we get into this, Sam is seen blowing Steve's dick. The action alternates with Steve spraying a whooping load on Sam's pretty-as-hell pecs and Jay blowing Tuck's very thick-based cock. Graham and Alex join the latter team (I guess this is the Olivia de Havilland-Joseph Cotton poker game from "Airport '77") for a nice four-way crammed into the seats of the plane. Kudos to director Brad Austin for making this work. Alex and Tuck kiss hotly as Graham blows Jay and then Alex returns to his oral talents by sucking on Tuck. Bald Tuck is all knotty noise, as usual, as Graham opens up really wide for Jay's dick. Tuck's jism also misses Alex's ever-clean face, and then Alex finally gets to cum. Tuck goes back to his boyfriend, so rotund Julian Housten takes his place, letting Alex eat his ass as he shares Jay with Graham. This action is also short before Jay lets one loose, just missing Julian's face.
Mike Radcliffe has taken a shine to the hottest man on the plane, T-shirt-clad Eduardo, bald but looking as fine as any man ever had a right to look. Mike asks to use the cockpit for this tryst ("Sure, that's why we call it the cockpit," Steve readily offers). Mike and Eduardo must represent about 500 collective pounds of solid muscle, and they are the hottest pair so far. Eduardo is hairy and humpy, while Mike is chiseled and smooth. They take turns sucking on each other's dicks, Mike having more fun with Eduardo's foreskin, and at the same time Steve Rambo meets up with his old friend Jay Paxton. Beef-bunny Eduardo looks great rimming Mike, though the action between Steve and Jay has an air of familiarity to it. Steve is a fine talent and when Jay fucks him, he's a madman, bounding backwards onto a clearly stunned Jay. Eduardo spills a pretty load on Mike's cheek and then Jay and Steve go, with Steve's so shatteringly amazing that Jay coos "oh, woooooow" at the top of his lungs.
The drunk passenger is a troublemaker (Lee Grant before she gets slapped by a calming Brenda Vacarro in "Airport '77") and looking for the bathroom, wanders into the cockpit, knocking Mike unconscious (at least he doesn't get sucked out the plane like Roy Thinnes in "Airport '75") and sending the plane into a free fall. You will howl with laughter as Steve s-l-o-w-l-y makes his way up the airplane aisle, amidst falling wires and passengers (and a soundtrack of female voices screaming, though there are none on this plane). But wait! Steve does this all in the nude! He finds his way into the cockpit, nude, and just as he's about to save the plane from danger (which Dean Martin did in one movie, Charlton Heston did in another, Jack Lemmon yet another and Alain Delon hoped to do in still another), pulling on the throttle, nude, as eagerly as he did Jay and Sam, we get a "to be continued" message!
Now, if I might be serious for a moment, I should point out that this airline disaster porn flick was filmed long before any of the recent world events and it should be watched in the spirit of gleeful stupidity with which it was intended. If ever there were a comical sexual way to relax, "Cockpit" is it. It scores on the level of being a cock-in-cheek spoof of a genre so easy made fun of, and it also does just fine with the sex. All of the sex scenes are delivered by pros, and it's fun to know that this time all of these guys were chosen ALSO because they could pull off the horrendous acting needed to make this work. Director Brad Austin deserves heaps of credit for seeing his vision through so completely, not confining himself to the barriers of standard sexual scenes that might take away from his wacky take on air travel. You know when the mile-high club is the lamest joke in a sexual spoof of the airline industry -- you are in for a grand bumpy ride!