Both sexy and funny, director Jörg Andreas' "Heartbreak Hotel" is a tale of husband swapping that is unlikely do anything for the gay marriage fight, but its huge dicks and swirling cum-shots make it a sumptuous place to dwell.
As the credits roll, beaus Mats Riem and Peer Nagel exchange rings and marry each other, so do Felix Groth and Kai Marsden, and David Chelsea and Anthony Spell, and Tony Vella and Marco Rochelle, and then Norbert Thorm and Christophe Blanc. After the nuptials, they're off to the hotel for their honeymoons.
The first sex scene, beautifully filmed, finds lovers Felix and Kai in a field of daisies, relaxing and enjoying their honeymoon. Resting on their car, Felix gets horny, pulls down Kai's trunks, and masterfully gives him head. Kai, hard as a rock, responds by worshipping his lover's rod. Felix is a blond with a cute cowlick, and Kai is shorter with a more compact body. Kai bottoms, giving up his ass in two positions, as he is perched against the car in the aforementioned field. They are undeniably attractive and the cum is plentiful in the end.
Later, inside the hotel, bellhop Max Schneider checks in guests Peer Nagel and Mats Riem. After he checks them in, he notices that they have placed a "Do Not Disturb" sign on the door. The other guests have all done likewise. Max is anxious to see what is going on with the guests, so he peeks inside and sees all the men humping. Answering a call from Mats and Peer for room service, Max brings champagne. They greet him naked, on the bed, both hairless and sporting enormous dicks, especially Peer, his curvy cock massive. Max serves them champagne and can't resist groping their growing erections as he pours. Max pretty much goes to town -- slurping one, then moving to the other. Peer and Mats kiss and grind away, letting Max orally sate them. The newlyweds blow thick chunks of cum all over Max's chest from the attention he has given them, and then they decide to plow his ass. Max is ravenous here, getting on his back and lifting his legs for penetration. Peer nails him first, sucking Mats' dick as he is fucking. Then Peer and Mats change positions, Max eagerly hosting meat at both ends. The cum-shots are impressive, the trio reaching gooey orgasms again.
Later, Anthony Spell wakes up and heads downstairs where he finds Norbert Thorm smoking a cigarette. Anthony is a handsome black man with a pierced dick; Norbert is a goateed and bald he-man. There is instant chemistry between them. Seconds after sizing each other up, they have locked lips. Both men drop to their knees and fellate each other with glee. The cocksucking is fierce. Norbert's mouth does its trick: Anthony fires off a volley of cum, coating Norbert's face and lips. They move to the kitchen where Anthony bottoms, he is a robust little fuck, and Norbert's fucking is sweaty and impassioned.
In the interim, their respective mates, David Chelsea and Christophe Blanc, wake up and go looking for their husbands. When they realize that Anthony and Thorm are nowhere to be found, they have a go at it. Christophe has a bulbous penis and muscular frame; David, thickly muscular, also has a thick pud. They fuck on the stairs, Christophe topping, with some nice shots underneath. David then gets on his back, right there in the hallway, for a missionary plug. In a humorous bit, they spill their seeds just as Anthony and Thorm are finishing in the kitchen and about to climb the stairs. David's cum, jetting up his chest mid-penetration, is a keeper, and Christophe explodes what seems like a few pints of liquid. It has to be seen to be appreciated. David and Christophe rush back to bed so their lovers will think they have been sleeping.
The next morning, Tony Vella jumps out of the bed he is sharing with Marco and jumps into the shower. Also using the facilities at the same time is Felix. They stand naked before each other, lathering up, and then they flirtatiously touch each other. It's only a matter of moments before Tony is bent over taking a hard one up his rear. Tony is a gruff-looking chap with a tattoo on his arm. Tony lets Felix eat his hole, and then manhandle it with cock. Meanwhile, Christophe and Mats wind up taking a shower, too. Tony gets his ass poked silly, and then moves on, leaving Felix to play with Christophe and Mats. The three men almost attack each other's hard dicks before Mats gets primed for anal action. The sight of his ass opening as his horse dick swings below is amazing. He hunches over, takes the cock of Felix, and then opens just as much for the hose of Christophe. The fucking is barbaric, with another geyser from Christophe. Mats cums after Felix sucks him and Christophe assaults his rear.
As they square off in the shower, Marco and Kai Marsden are in the dining room awaiting their husbands, unaware that they're cheating. Seeing that they have been stood up, Marco and Kai retreat to a room. Marco's and Kai's is the most romantic scene of all, with plenty of open-mouth kisses and affectionate give-and-take blows. Kai demonstrates a second time that he is quite unrestrained in the sack. The two men also engage in a 69, producing quick money-shots. Up for a second round, Marco munches on Kai's ass, and then mounts him atop the bed in a spirited episode. Watching Kai get pounded is an aesthetically beautiful sight.
Peer finds out that Mats is a cheat. He packs his bags and bolts. No sooner has he walked down the hall and passed another door that someone reaches out -- and pulls him inside. Then we get the director's funniest joke: the sight of the men all mixed and matched with different couples exchanging rings again.
DVD features: The full-length feature; chapter selections; trailer ("Hotel Cazzo"); photo gallery; and no regional coding (playable worldwide).
A DVD Review by Max Southern
With the issue of gay weddings making headlines everywhere these days, Kristen Bjorn's Sarava Productions could hardly have chosen a better time to release Cazzo Film's latest gem, Heartbreak Hotel, a cynical tale of five male-male couples who end up in the same honeymoon hotel and, before the night is over, in each other's beds. The five marital-minded couples are introduced under the credits in a quintet of ceremonies before a judge (played by director Jorge Andreas with a wicked glint in his eye), and all the cliched nuptial trappings are included: Bridal bouquets, showers of rice and a honeymoon car rigged with a tail of tin cans.
In a heartbeat, all 10 men have been whisked to the hotel where each couple is seen in idealized snippets of romantic love. The camera lingers on one pair (Felix Groth, a rangy blond Viking, and Kai Marsden, a 40ish man with salt-and-pepper crew-cut), and the action slides seamlessly into the first sex scene. Locked in embrace on the hood of their car (parked in the middle of a fairy-tale field of goldenrod), the two lovers soon shift from ardent love to carnal lust, and Groth kneels to suck. Both men have perfectly sculpted bodies and even more perfectly sculpted erections -- and both clearly know how to pleasure each other. Soon, Marsden is sprawled across the car's hood for some serious rutting, and Groth's strong thrusts seem to drive both of them straight to connubial bliss. They deliver equally messy splatter shots, and the sequence ends as they frolic bare-ass through the colorful field in what is truly a gloriously X-rated Kodak moment.
Next up, another pair of newlyweds (blond Mats Riem and goateed Per Nagel) are shown to their room by the bellboy (Max Schneider, a precociously lecherous little brunet). On his way back, Schneider does a bit of keyhole-peeking and is treated to brief glimpses of all five couples fucking their brains out. His voyeurism is interrupted by a call for room service, and he hurries off to deliver a bottle of champagne to Riem and Nagel. Both are sprawled naked on the bed, playing with their ready erections. (So much for "forsaking all others") The electricity crackles as Schneider pours the champagne, then surges as he goes down on them. He is a happy head-giver, effortlessly swallowing both, but it is Riem who takes focus. To him, sex is a serious game, and Schneider chases his dancing dick all over the bed before the two lovers rain a deluge of spooge onto the boyish bellhop. (Then he fires off his load, screaming like a stuck pig.) The anal action is even better. The lovers take turns ass- and face-fucking him in several positions, and all three release impressive loads, but it is Riem who makes the scene special.
The beautifully lit third and fourth scenes are both set in the public rooms of the darkened hotel later that night. Anthony Spell, a mahogany-toned skinhead, tosses restlessly in the bed he shares with his lover and soon slips away to head for the bar, now closed. In the shadows, all alone, sits Norbert Thorm, an older man, and they wordlessly ease into an extramarital quickie in the moonlit bar, kissing, caressing and exchanging languid blow jobs. Spell, with his inexhaustible deep-throat action and his flashy Prince Albert, drives the scene -- and it is also he who bottoms when they adjourn to the deserted hotel kitchen to fuck both doggie and missionary on a gleaming counter.
About this time, their respective partners (stocky, Italianate David Chelsea and gaunt, stone-faced Christophe Blanc) awaken and go in search of their spouses. Instead, they find each other -- on the moonlit grand staircase of the place. They compare notes and share their suspicions before opting to follow their spouses' errant ways. They too kiss, caress, exchange blow jobs and pop their first loads, but their styles are very different. Chelsea is an almost frenetic oralist, Blanc a cool, calculating customer who seems more intrigued by the sensations he is causing in his trick than those he is experiencing himself. This holds especially true when he tops Chelsea in round two of their brief encounter. Blanc is a no-nonsense top who plows Chelsea to his second orgasm while plugged, then milks out his own prolonged repeater with a smug, world-weary smile.
The centerpiece of the film is a group scene in the hotel's shower room, and the star once again is Riem, whose bottoming here (in sharp contrast to his topman turn in his first scene) makes him the find of the film. The episode builds beautifully as, one by one, various halves of the couples stroll in. First up is multi-tattooed Tony Vella, followed by Groth, Riem and Blanc, whose repeat performances here even surpass their earlier ones. With a naughty boy grin, Groth starts things by dropping his soap and groping Vella before sucking and fucking him. Vella soon splits, leaving the others to charge into one of the hottest threeways director Andreas has ever created. All three hard-ons look like battering rams, and all are well used by these three consummate sexpigs. Riem bottoms for the other two, remaining rockhard throughout, willingly taking both of them -- and there is a helluva lot of dick to take! Both Groth and Blanc are piston-fuckers, but Riem seems determined to take every thrust. (They all but pulverize him.) Four syrupy pop shots later, Riem's husband (Nagel) walks in on them -- and the honeymoon is over. In no time, all over the hotel, doors are slamming and suitcases are being packed.
Meanwhile, Marsden and the matinee-idol-handsome Marco Rochelle have been waiting patiently in the dining room for their spouses (Groth and Vella, respectively) but soon yield to a little indiscretion of their own. A great beauty, Rochelle seems a gift from the gods to the plain-faced Marsden, who gives himself completely to his unexpected acquisition. Rochelle seems equally smitten, and their oral action peaks in a contented 69 that produces their first set of money shots. Then they fuck. Rochelle is an expert rimmer and a powerhouse fucker, and Marsden an eager-to-please receptacle. They have just fired off their second ecstatic loads when Groth walks in on them. Incriminations are hurled, and another flurry of changing partners (and rooms) begins.
Heartbreak Hotel ends on a sardonic note -- another set of gay marriages with everyone rearranged for the next attempt at Happily Ever After. The tale contains elements of both Feydeau farce and Voltairean satire, but first and foremost it is a classy example of elegant erotica. If, as they say, the brain is man's greatest sex organ, then this torrid Cazzo Film will arouse you from skull to scrotum.
- Jerry Douglas